50 Non-productive Things To Do Without Internet

Almost two years back, I blogged 100 Non-productive Things To Do When Bored. Many of them involve the need of an internet connection. But what if there's no internet itself? What should one do to diligently waste their time and life?

Sad Bored Cat

1. Be a thinker - To be or not to be. Become Hamlet by overthinking everything with freed up time and brain.
2. Boring concert? Head bang anyway, even to the slow heart break songs.
3. New drinking game : Every time your mom scolds you, drink...(water only, unless you want to get scolded again).
4. Why keep getting migraines due to lack of sleep, challenge yourself to get one because of too much sleep(left eye socket hurts).
5. Call people like a psycho instead of just casually dropping a message.
6. Since there's not much on the phone, look at the people around in your house for the first time and wonder why they are staying in your house or wonder why they are letting you stay in their house.
7. Sit by the doorway and hit everyone who passes by(works well if you have a stick in hand and if other people don't have any weapons).
8. Make a long list of all the things that pop into your mind and which you want to google.
9. Listen to the high school time songs in your mobile now that you cant access gaana/spotify or youtube and get all nostalgic.
10. Look at your old birthday photos and wonder who are all those people gobbling up your birthday cake.
11. Now that internet's off, your brain may boot itself up slowly for the first time in years. Don't panic. It's called thinking where the thoughts come and go in an Indian-traffic-scene way. Observe them all and be creeped out by your own thoughts.
12. You may get immensely productive at work, because you just can't stare at non-fun stuff for hours - so you start typing in some code, deleting some random stuff to see what happens. That's normal too.
13. You may suddenly get too much sensory input - vivid graphics, 8D audio, etc. That's just your observation kicking back in, as you now seem to be looking at the world for the first time.
14. You may get a sudden wave of sadness in the middle of the day - just like that. That's just your existential crisis kicking in. Drown yourself in work and trick your brain that life has meaning and you find it in your work.
15. Recall what all you used to do as a kid in 90s without internet and apps. (You probably sat in a corner and ate glue).
16. Be surprised that the world didn't end after all and still exists(even if it seems all grey).
17. Have moments of epiphany, as your brain sees through everything. (I suddenly understood the meaning of Elastic Heart lyrics).
18. Now that an addiction is gone, guess what, you need another to fill up the emptiness. Clean and organize obsessively, eat all the junk food, buy all the stuff...you get it, choose the next thing to kill you. 
19. Pray to God. It's a very confusing and awkward scene for both- you and God.
    You: Hey, long time! I think you are cool, you should hang out with me often.
    God: Uh, I don't want to. Can you go away?
    You: Please..
    God: Shoo..
    
20. Mumble all the wrong lyrics like in 90s, now that you can't google lyrics.
21. Catch yourself saying out loud "I hate my life".
22. Throw tantrums at the world. Pretend to be a Shakespearean tragic hero who have been wronged by the fate.
23. Realize that you have loads of free time and no responsibilities. You are pretty much the Ishaan of Taare Zameen Par in your family.
24. Find true love in ice cream.
25. Cry yourself to sleep.
26. You know what's interesting? Groceries store. Look at all the options and try them all, online shopping can never provide this satisfaction.
27. Charge yourself with loud music periodically to keep going on with the day.
28. Give some credit to your parents who live easily without internet. Mimic their routine - you probably need to get a kid for this and start giving them lectures.
29. Notice how ugly your street is and how horrible the traffic is. While everyone is busy scrolling though their screens in traffic jam,you look at everyone and judge them all for being hooked up to phones.
30. Ever observed kids without phones? They do the most absurd stuff- run around themselves, beat up some kid, snatch chocolate from another, throw tantrum for no reason at all, kiss dogs or trees, wave at everyone and then roll down in dirt giggling all the way. And they are damn happy with their life. Pick some activities from their routine and see if anything will work out for you.
31. Be awed by all the solutions your brain comes up with to get on to the internet one way or another. "If only, it would have been this genius in work stuff!"
32. Be awed by all the alternatives your brain comes up with to do without internet, instead of getting back to work. Realize that the true villain has always been your brain , not the internet with it's zillion distractions.
33. Have no clue about what's going on in this world, if you have relied on internet for news. Who reads newspaper in 2019!
34. Without webMD, you can no longer be House MD and can no more self-diagnose yourself. Accept your fate and visit a doctor - in a depressing hospital.
35. Try meditation to curb your cravings and be very confused when someone tells you it's different from napping.
36. Eat slowly, like real slow, keep everyone waiting and annoy them all. Chew 32 times for every bite of food. They have got their instagrams, you have just got food - savor it.
37. Be the Monarch at home. When you have been distracted by the internet, peasants(family) may have got all rebellious. Crush the mutiny and impose new strict rules.
38. Drown your sorrows with Dard-e-disco.
39.  Look longingly at your phone home screen that's devoid of all your favorite apps.
40. Explain memes in words when situation arises instead of sending a meme pic and hope that people understand what you are saying.
41. Impress your team by the attention you pay in meetings, now that you can't scroll on phone like everyone else.
42. Read all the labels, ingredients, directions to use on every product. Interesting information.
43.  Get disgusted by your weakness in resisting the internet and keep telling yourself - "Weakness disgusts me", but still be all weak and childish.
44. Try to control time. Spend it with your favorite person if you want time to fly by and spend it with the most difficult person in your life so that time passes by like a snail. Be like Dunbar from Catch-22 : "Dunbar loved shooting skeet because he hated every minute of it and the time passed so slowly. He had figured out that a single hour on the skeet-shooting range with people like Havermeyer and Appleby could be worth as much as eleven-times-seventeen years." 
45. Tell everyone how you are off the internet as if it's a disability they all need to be considerate about. "I have this condition - being offline".
46. Stare at your own selfies now that no one else can look at them.
47. Take people out for walks and push them into small ditches if they annoy you with incessant talking.
48. Gentle sadism is a good solution for boredom. Target people at home - eat their favorite food when they are away, steal money from their wallet, hide their phone etc.
49. Suffer from withdrawal symptoms and behave like a maniac when undergoing severe cravings. 
50. Sulk all the time how life's being all unfair to you and how everyone else has got everything along with an internet connection.

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