How To Stop Being Taken For Granted

Stop being taken for granted
The Horror!

I was writing a sob story, but then I stopped myself from completing a cringey pitiful write up that will make you throw up.
I was then going for a lesser sob story, but then I scrapped that too and decided to paint this article in red - a bitter rant.
What I am writing now is a third draft - a call for action, probably in a rude way - that is if you are taken for granted.

The first thing you need to ask yourself is who all have taken you for granted. If your answer is everyone, then it's not being taken for granted, it's being a doormat - letting everyone walk all over you. That would be a great sob story for some other day.             

But today, we will talk about why you are taken for granted by someone. What does that actually mean - "taken for granted"?
Not acknowledged? Not appreciated? Not reciprocated?
But why should they? Aren't you supposed to love someone or something unconditionally(rolls my eyes as far as to the back of my head)? Yeah, sure, you shouldn't let your expectations, hopes, dreams and imagination ruin the reality, but hey, we are humans carrying our own baggage all the time. We are bound to explode at some point after we have let ourselves be ignored multiple times. That's what happens when you don't address those pent up crappy emotions.

Before we go any further, did you try bringing up these issues with the person in question? Chances are that when you are weaving your own story in your mind, the other person may not even be aware of what they are doing. Communication is the key. That said, sometimes nothing ever changes even after several trials of communication. You may even try harder to show your love in some way. You want to make it work desperately. You may always be in a dilemma - act cold or try harder. When they are good to your for a minute, you forget all your grudges and old lessons and then the cycle repeats.

"So, what's your magical solution?" -you ask. And I say this as gently as possible(Zucc haha): You gotta stop whining. Because when you whine, you look like a needy emotional person. And that's not attractive in this market. Now this is just a prerequisite. You got to go over few more critical steps to stop being such a sad soul.

Lower your expectations

People in general don't carry a grudge and act on it all the time, unless they are from a Saas-Bahu serial and their name is Komolika. Their behavior towards you might not be personal at all. It's how their brains are wired. That's how they act all the time. You can't expect a person to follow the script in your mind. Yes, it's difficult, but not an impossible task.

So next time, you do something for someone, do it without any expectations. Do it only because you want to. Do not anticipate anything.

Keep everyone's expectations low

  • Stop being available all the time. There's a saying that goes something like - be a diamond(rare to find and valuable) instead of being coal(easy to find and used in trivial things).
  • Say NO without hesitation. But only if you want to and not out of grudge. If you want to say yes, then just say yes. Life is too short to hold grudges.
  • Be assertive. People say that you either have to be a doormat or a bitch. But no, there's a third option which is being assertive - polite but firm.
  • Stop initiating conversations - in person, text, call, mail etc. Just stop. You may actually be disturbing the other person. Give them space. Let them take the steering for a change. "But,oh, what if I have some exciting or interesting things to talk about and I can't stop myself from texting them?" Just type/write it in a notepad/notes/journal and let it be. Or join forums or groups of people who have similar interests. Go on Reddit already!
  • Stop getting offended. That just proves that you care about them and their deeds. 

Get a life

You can't just intentionally try avoiding this particular person. That would be like "Don't think about elephants" and think only about elephants. Instead you got to focus on other things - like getting a life.
  • Stop being overly needy, dependent and emotional. 
  • Stop aligning your entire life around one person.
  • Go out with your friends.
  • Go out with your family.
  • Go out alone and do the things you always wanted to. Learn to love being solo.
  • Get busy. There are zillion things to do and see in this world. And we could possibly tick off only a few hundreds if we are lucky. There's no time!
  • Spend your time with people where it's appreciated and where your presence is welcomed and even celebrated.
  • Stop being dramatic and stop indulging in someone else's drama. If you would have watched any daily soap serials, you would know that dramas go on forever and ever. And we don't have that much time or energy or resources. Sometimes the best reaction is to shrug it off and walk away.
  • Draw limits. Don't let anyone treat you in a way which you don't like. Take a stand. Have some self-respect. Trust yourself. Do not let your self-esteem take jabs and get all depressed.

All this being said, be open to any changes in the other person's behavior. Do not hold on to the past. Remember, life is too short to hold on to grudges.

Last but probably the most important, we don't understand the hurt we cause unless we get a taste of our medicine. Recognize the people in your life whom you have taken for granted and whom you have done wrong. And please address those issues. Better late than never.

Gratitude is probably the most underrated skill.



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