Probable Ways To Stop Hating Yourself

I have been feeling so disconnected with myself for some days now. I generally blog about things that are close to my heart and the stuff which I am going through at that moment. But as I was so out of sync with my own self, I couldn't pen down anything.

I have stopped reading anything, I just couldn't. So there were no fresh inputs to the brain too. I was just numbing everything with TV series and as long as that was on, I would forget the things I am avoiding to think about and wouldn't hate myself.

The problem when you hate yourself is you still do the things which you don't want to or don't do the things which you want to and hate yourself more and more. The hatred just builds on itself - accumulating into this giant mountain of self loathing, disgust and depression.

Worst part about self loathing is you don't believe yourself anymore - the good or positive things you tell yourself go waste. You become unreliable and untrustworthy to your own self.
And in a self sabotaging way, you stop caring about everything and do more and more of things which you don't want to - which leads to more hatred. It's a vicious cycle.

Hyperbole and a half depicts the self abuse perfectly when you are depressed.
The self critical voice is always there, giving a harsh running commentary of everything you do.
You get to be critical about everything - your face sucks, you are fat, you are dumb, you are shitty, you are worthless, you are loser, you suck.

Self Hatred

You can't hate yourself. You are all you got. If even you walk away from yourself, you would have nothing. You gotta break the cycle - which may seem impossible.
"Surprise yourself so you can surprise the audience." - Black Swan

Tips To Try:

• Write down everything what you hate about yourself - see if they can be fixed and start taking small steps towards fixing it. It doesn't matter how slow the progress is as long as you are making progress consistently. At least, you will feel that you are doing something about stuff and probably the shitty feeling will come down by a notch.
• Spend time with people. I know, when you are teeming with so much self hatred, being with people is the last thing you want to do. As someone who is not social, I still got a feeling that being with people sometimes takes your mind off from the self sabotaging stuff. Make sure these people are someone who lift you up and not "friends" who are condescending or who put you down in a subtle way - which brings us to next step.
• Cut down toxic people. It just takes a minor nudge to spiral down when you already have so much negativity going on in your mind. If someone's just making you sad or hate yourself, take steps to cut down interaction with them. If you can't, just steer the conversation to some fun stuff which you like - movies etc.
• Not getting anything done is pretty common when you are sad. But this will have a negative impact and make the hatred even more intense. Make a list of all the pending things and choose the top 3 or 5 things which you absolutely must do and focus on them.
• Limit or stop doing things that make you feel good momentarily but overall leave you with a shitty feeling. For example, binge watching a TV series will make you happy as long as you are watching it, but later on you may regret about your choice of choosing it over an important thing. Take this slow, don't cut yourself completely from it. Limit exposure slowly.
• Stop with the depreciating self affirmations - "I hate myself" and other such stuff. It may just become almost involuntary response, but you still need to cut that down. Instead of pondering in the shower about how shitty you are , it's much more beneficial to sing out loud and may be even break a leg.
• Stay in reality. When you want to escape yourself, you tend to skip into daydreams or delusion to avoid the harsh reality. But once again, this is self sabotaging. Even if it's painful, stay in reality and work on bridging the gap between your world and the actual world.
• Maintain balance. One key thing not to have a mental breakdown anytime is not to be too hard on yourself and not to be too easy on yourself too. Give permission to yourself to indulge little bit in the things you love - you need these to keep you happy. Work on things that make you feel inadequate or shitty and need to be worked on - you need these so that you become a better version of yourself and thus to dwindle all the self loathing day by day.
• Journal your day. It helps in self reflection and it acts as a compass showing which way you are going. It helps you in wearing several hats and looking at yourself from a different perspective.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Guilt isn't helpful if it becomes destructive. Make peace with the past you and just work to make it right.

These may or may not work. It may be a long process. But trying to be in control of your own life is the first step to start with.

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