How To NOT Get Things Done

Why do anything, when you can do nothing? This post is a primer for all the productive people who are tired of getting things done. 

How To NOT Get Things Done
 How To NOT Get Things Done

  1. Without a perfect blueprint plan and a 1000 pages manifesto, that takes about a decade to draw, one shouldn't attempt the actual task.
  2. Drown in seven stages of research and then finally quit the task before even starting it.
  3. Basics are for losers, jump to a complicated step directly, reverse engineering only takes so much of your life.
  4. Is it 9.55 AM? That's a very weird time to start, wait till it's 10 AM. Oh, it's 10.01 AM now? Too bad, wait till 10.30 AM.
  5. Look at that giant-mega-mammoth of a task, forget breathing, get overwhelmed, it's may day, abort mission and take a nap.
  6. You can't fail, if you don't attempt in the first place. (read Roll safe meme)
  7. Where's all that fancy stationary to take notes? Everyone knows that unicorn glitter highlighters make the important points stick better in your brain.
  8. I can't just start working on something like a barbarian, first I need to make a vision board and then write my 12 step self affirmations that I am totally worth it.
  9. It makes sense to spend 90% of waking hours in begging God(whom you otherwise ignore) to succeed, instead of actually working on the task.
  10. Ooo..look, a squirrel!
  11. Before that, let me just read this inspiring book so that I can stay motivated through out the task(but actually forget it and don't apply any of the concepts to my life). An eternity later...let me just watch another inspiring movie..
  12. My room is a mess, I can't focus! Let me just konmari my entire life.
  13. Why can't I just quit this life and go live somewhere where the sky glows green?
  14. Isn't daydreaming same as visualizing? 
  15. Why don't I fill my day with a million todos that only matter in a parallel universe?
  16. So stressed with the work, stressed spelled backwards is desserts
  17. What's wrong with taking a break when you are not in a mood to work, by binge watching Star Wars - original trilogy, prequels, sequels, spin offs, TV series...
  18. How about we procrastinate till due date and then use deadline-induced-maniacal-panic to fuel the most productive all-nighter?
  19. Me: This is so tough! People: Because you just started, you are just a beginner right now, it will get easy soon. Me: Nope, because I am dumb and my peanut sized brain can't understand a thing! People: ...
  20. Why persist, when you can rage quit?
  21. 9 PM : I am too exhausted to focus now, let me just wake up early tomorrow. 2 AM : Youtube - What if the Moon was a disco ball? 5 AM, birds chirping outside : I hate my life.
  22. Delay doing something by so many days, that it gets done by someone else or disappears magically from your todo list. Why do anything, when there's a high probability for it to go out of existence?
  23. It's not me, it's you! It's everyone around me, distracting me from my work.
  24. Let me just quickly super-over-think this through.
  25. I am sure that I don't have to write this down, my dopey brain is obviously paying attention and engraving it all in it's thick folds.
  26. I should listen to loud music to keep my brain awake and focused. Brain : either hallucinates wildly in psychedelic Winamp patterns or escapes into a new world.

  27. Taking a break is for losers, I am gonna over-work on this with no sleep and no food, till I hate it and then abandon it all, who cares about the hours of work I have already put in!
  28. I work better under stress, so I am gonna abuse my brain psychologically with immense pressure, tight deadlines and constant worry about failure.
  29. I can't get this done, because when I was four years old, I failed to do something similar. So based on the performance of my four year old self, I conclude that I will fail again.
  30. I can't do this simple thing, what else can I expect? I am stupid, I have so many problems, I am so useless, I always screw up everything, I am the worst. Spirals down into an eternal monologue of self abusive voice followed by overwhelming sadness.
  31. Let me just perfect this tiny thing which doesn't matter, instead of looking at the big picture. It's the 80% useless things that matter, not the 20% core things.
  32. Whatever dude, it's my future self's problem, it's not going to impact me in any way.
  33. The core of the task : To work better, I need to wake up early. To do that, I need better sleep. To sleep better, I need better diet. To eat better, I need to cook better. So I better learn cooking well first.
  34. May be, I will first check Youtube to see how others are doing this thing.
  35. Why focus on one thing and finish it, when I can start all at once, get the illusion of being productive and quit them all?


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