55 Silly Things To Do In The Hospital

I know, hospitals are scary. But this is not about the serious stuff, sometimes we end up in hospital because of small or even silly reasons. This is just a light hearted post about stupid things you can do in the hospital, whether you are a visitor or even a patient.

Silly Things To Do In The Hospital
Silly Things To Do In The Hospital

  1. Bathe yourself in sanitizer for every five minutes - you may still not feel clean.
  2. Get sneezed or coughed at often and curse your own existence.
  3. Pretend to be a patient and say "April Fools" on the operation table.
  4. Wait forever, live your life and grow old in waiting room.
  5. Wonder if the bed-sheets have been washed or not.
  6. Smell like medicines and disinfectant.
  7. Took a test? Get judged by the lab guys, who take your blood - they judge you already before your reports are out : "You shall not pass!"
  8. Cry like a little girl when they take blood.
  9. Crush someone’s hand as they take your blood.
  10. Curse the lab guys out loud when they take blood(been there done that as a kid - stupids and idiots were the only curses I knew as an 8 year old).
  11. Keep nagging to your family how you are completely fine and how they are putting you through hell for just coughing up some blood.
  12. Get shocked by the bill - 50,000 for acidity is fine. Totally.
  13. Watch helplessly as your entire salary goes for medicines - 30,000 for placebo pills is fine. Totally.
  14. Make faces like Jim Carrey as you take bitter pills.
  15. Be awed by the patience of nurses and call them patients for being patient. (Ok, sorry for this)
  16. Cry as you eat hospital food - at least it's better than your hostel food.
  17. Watch people transitioning to pirates from the eye operation theater.
  18. Laser to your eye? Watch as a medieval torture device clamps open your eye and as a laser beam tries to fry your pupils. Hey its all normal. Totally. ( been there, done that)
  19. Admitted to hospital for dehydration? Stay there forever even after you feel over-hydrated and ultra healthy.
  20. No insurance? Time to cook meth...I mean, methi, it's healthy and may heal your condition.
  21. Read those health and diet charts in hospitals and be all heath conscious..till you leave the hospital.
  22. Be grateful that doctors aren't like developers who can afford to leave some scope for bugs. Imagine doctor saying "Oh I have stitched up all your limbs, just one open bug - legs and hands are stitched up in each others place, Hey, but they still work fine!"
  23. Watch how they never let you sleep - every half an hour there is some medicine/injection and when they finally leave you alone, its visitors time.
  24. Look at those colorful pills- don't they remind you of rainbows and unicorns instead of bitterness? No?
  25. Become friends with other patients who are going through the same thing. "Hey, you got viral fever, me too! Same pinch." 
  26. Argue with other patients in ICU how your condition is worse than theirs.
  27. Explain your Google analysis and self diagnosis to doctor and watch as they twitch in anger.
  28. Start hating whites and blues because of all that depressing hospital ambience.
  29. Argue who’s eye patch is cooler.
  30. Act all cranky like House MD when they deny painkillers.
  31. Sleep beside patient on their bed giving them little or no space. Let the doctors figure out who is the patient.
  32. Personalize the patient's room - bring all their stuff to hospital room - cheesy photo frames, their cuddle teddies. Make them feel extra comfy.
  33. Wear a mask and breathe like Darth Vader.
  34. Be Doctor Drake Ramoray, the neurosurgeon. Just don't cut any brains.
  35. Going to stay for long? Build a library around you. If other patients vie for your books, ask them to pay rent for each book on hourly basis.
  36. Play with the hospital equipment, press all the buttons and see what happens - don't damage them though.
  37. Got balloons for cheerful effect from someone? Try balloon art - make different shapes out of it, just no obscene shapes.
  38. Pace around, obstructing everyone else.
  39. Gain sympathy points with family and use it as an excuse to get everything you want. Family : "No more ice creams"  You : "But..but i just went through a traumatizing surgery...."*puppy eyes*
  40. Start letter writing to other patients on doctor's prescription papers and send them around as paper rockets.
  41. Google all the meds prescribed and act all smart in front of your family, treating them like the illiterates they are.
  42. Don't drink saline water, it's tempting, but don't. Fine, may be one sip is fine.
  43. Learn all about the doctors and nurses - surprise them with your stalking skills, especially when they want to give a big injection to you. "So, your kid studies in Montessori?"
  44. Pretend to be Doctor Hannibal Lecter and stare at people ominously.
  45. Have a PhD? Boast that you are a doctor too.
  46. Check WebMD and wonder why you are not dead yet and why the doctors are lying that you are alright.
  47. Ate all the pills in the bottle in one go? Not a problem as long as they are Homeo pills.
  48. Lie on the couch and talk about your inner demons. Your ENT doctor may complain that he/she is not a therapist- tell them that all you need is someone to talk to and keep talking.
  49. You may get real high on some pills and finally experience the drug addicts euphoria. Yay.
  50. Be happy that you don't have to go to work - thanks to your 4 broken ribs, fractured hand and skinless leg - it's all worth it. Totally.
  51. Visit a cardiologist and tell them how you have lost your heart to your crush. But be careful, you may actually - physically lose it if they get too angry.
  52. Ask the doctor if you can try their stethoscope.
  53. For every point the doctor says, tell them how you already know about it from Grey's Anatomy.
  54. Ask the doctor, if a healing stone or an essential oil will work better instead of the medicines he has prescribed.
  55. Wait? What? You are a doctor? Cut someone already!


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