40 Ways To Sabotage Your Own Life

Self-sabotage is fun, nothing is more exciting than watching your life go up in flames and having the satisfaction that you are the one, who has started the fire. The proud feeling when you realize that the most toxic person in your life is yourself and the ability to self-destruct faster than the Mission Impossible messages are what makes life worth living or worth sabotaging. In case, if you are out of touch with your inner self-sadistic psychopath, here are few ways to sabotage your own life.

Self Sabotage

1. Self depreciation is the way to win this sabotaging game. Let's be real - you obviously suck and every other being on this Earth is better than you. Also, you are hideous.
2. Make a non-useful thing an important part of your identity - like icecream eater, coffee drinker, office watcher,shitty blogger, cake muncher...yeah,all harmless sexy hip titles that will keep you in useless or harmful loops forever.
3. Why live in reality when you can live in your head? Your own version of Second Life!
4. Be all FOMO and live all your life trying to catch up with the next big things - that new sitcom, that crappy new trending genre of music, all those infinite meme trends, those new pants that come in style every 30 years..
5. Be the Hamlet. To be or not to be - forever, baby.
6. The best way to get through your life is by sleeping through most of it.
7. If all those positive people can self-affirm themselves with "You can do it" and other cheesey lines, you can do the same by self-diminishing statements like - "I suck at everything", "I hate myself", "I am disgusting" and so on.
8. Don't say NO to anything or anyone - boss asked you to work on that shitty thing yet again? Yes!
9. Don't say YES to anything or anyone - your relentless friends asked you again to hang out? No!
10. Instead of cutting off ties with toxic people right in the beginning, make them a major part of your life and suffer in silence forever. Get fixated on them and ignore the well-wishing family/friends/other losers!
11. You know that important thing which can turn around your life in every possible way? How about we ignore that and go do other zillion things that are bad for us?
12. I am gonna turn around my life for real, I am going to work on it and get things done ....oh look, a squirrel. Consistency is for losers.
13. It's not me, it's you, it's the cruel society, it's my parents really, it's my work...why see the common denominator, which is thyself, when the blame can be placed elsewhere?
14. Who cares if this person doesn't care about you, you can still keep them on your ultimate pedestal and worship them, may be then, someday, they will care about you. Running after people who don't give a damn about us is the key for a happy life.
15. You can't fail, if you quit. You can't get hurt, if you don't open up to anyone and be vulnerable. Be smart, let the ship stay safe in the harbor forever.
16. Sure, you only have few days on this blue planet, but how about spending every living moment pondering about how inadequate you are? Be dissatisfied and don't approve of yourself for as long as you live. In fact, take it a step further and mega-loathe yourself.
17. I hate the fact that I have put on weight, I am sad now, so I deserve a piece of cake.
18. I am a nice person, so I can't set any boundaries on how people treat me, I will just smile and wave, killing them in my mind and may be, later, I can act all passive aggressive towards them.
19. There's a whole life ahead, but let's be stuck in the good old days - the past glory, where everything was perfect, because the brain has conveniently filtered out the negative memories and amplified the positive ones by a hundred times in the name of nostalgia.
20. Self pity is the best-est friend one can ever have - it assures you that you are the victim, even if you are the perpetrator.
21. Let me just drink away my sorrows and smoke away all my anxieties.
22. My loneliness is killing me, I must confess I still believe (still believeeeee) - ah, yes, the hero that was promised, the prince charming, the guardian angel that will save me - yes, they are out there and they can magically flip your life like SRK saving Preity in Kal Ho Na Ho.
23. Ah man, this too went wrong? Nothing ever goes well in my life, this is just my fate. Let me walk away from this mess, before people ask me stupid questions like - "Did you try to fix/repair it? This is just a minor setback"
24. We are all still in kindergarten really - we need to keep a ledger to maintain detailed accounts of who have slighted us in the past, so that we can get back to them and strike them with extra vengeance. Living well is the best revenge - is a stupid advice.
25. Don't believe in these cutting edge new technologies, just stay rigid in that decade long technology, which nobody uses. Who cares if the gap between your skill set and market needs is widening, you are not outdated, you have just aged well like wine or like spoiled milk.
26. Whatever dude, self sabotage is cool - tragic emo hero.
27. If you just complain incessantly about how pathetic  your life is without doing anything about it, the roaming sky Gods will hear you out and fix your life for you overnight.
28. You know people who are assertive and stand up for themselves are really psychopaths, you definitely can't be one.
29. Yeah, sure, this pattern and way of doing things didn't work in the past and has only failed me like a million times, but may be, it will work now. It's not insanity, after all, look, how determined I am this time - that's all, that's what is needed - more determination.
30. What do you mean, it's not Tesla and takes time and effort to go from 0 to 100 in a not-so-smooth way? If my dreams don't become concrete results immediately, as a perfectionist, I can't handle it.
31. I ate that cake and watched an hour of TV, now I will punish myself by fasting completely and working myself to death.
32. I am not burned out or stressed, why do you ask? Oh, that's just how I look - like a zombie. I don't need a break, I will just quit it all when I have a meltdown.
33. I can't work on the project, because I don't have the skills for it, that's because I didn't research on it, that's because I don't have a mentor to guide me, that's because I don't have a tribe of my own and that's because ....
34. I only have 99 pending projects, started and abandoned, all I need is a new fresh project that can be completed.
35. I can't do it, because it went wrong once 20 years ago, when I tried to do it.
36. I have invested too much time and effort in this thing, which seems useless, but may be if I double my efforts instead of looking at the big picture and detaching myself from it, it will magically become useful and successful. I am like Sheldon Cooper, who needs to finish things, no matter what they are.
37. You know what's awesome? Being a self-stress-generator. Over-schedule your day.
38. Let the emotions do the work for you, because screw logic.
39. Deny reality. Problem solved.
40. Lol..I don't need any help, only losers seek help, I am self-sufficient and efficient. I may be fickle as a feather and a total addict, but I can totally get myself out of self destructing patterns and loops. I can totally save myself from myself.(still believeeeee)

It was!

 

~