20 Ways To Numb The Existential Crisis

Where will you be when the next wave of existential crisis strikes? Come to a standstill and stop the entire traffic on a busy road? Shower? Sleep? Work desk? Stare at a stranger in a restaurant unknowingly as you are lost in thoughts?

Existential Crisis
What if hoooman is not the pet and I am the pet?

Here are a few tested ways to deal with it swiftly:
  1. Binge watch TV series. Make sure you start with another immediately as soon as you end one series.
  2. The only way to get through life is to sleep through most of it.
  3. Keep scrolling, never stop. Internet has infinite options to keep your mind off the dreaded things that need attention.
  4. Go to The Cave(Fight Club) and let the penguin casually tell you to slide(The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.)
  5. As Phoebe would say - Go to your happy place..la la la la..
  6. When life gives you lemons, sniff cocaine. What's your cocaine? Books? Movies? Video games? Cocaine?
  7. Live in a reality distortion field(inspired from Steve Jobs). Quote something which isn't accurate with a mesmerizing charm and soon people around you will believe that what you say is the reality - voila, that's the new reality now. Bend it(reality) like Steve,y'all.
  8. Fall in love with food - only case where 'The More The Merrier' makes sense.
  9. One thing you need to absolutely stay away from is - Thinking(in the sense of self-reflection). Just imagine that you are on Vogons' planet and if you think, you get smacked in your face.

  10. Get involved and lost in one of the myriad elements of this chaotic world which are all quite important - Met Gaala fashion, GOT finale, 999$ Apple stand, cricket match..
  11. Accept that the meaning of life is 42 and move on.
  12. Just work - doesn't matter if it's your calling or not. It's just one third of your life anyway.
  13. Diffuse the situation of philosophical thoughts in shower by singing or screaming(same in my case) out loud. Focusing on the backside of your 100% pure organic shampoo will also help.
  14. Pretend to have an epiphany in one of your travels - better if it's some kind of solo trekking, makes up a better instagram pic with a pretentious quote in italics(or comic sans-not judging) about life. 
  15. Nietzsche and Nihilism are not what you want on a Friday night or Monday morning or ever.
  16. So you organized your wardrobe yesterday, but did you do it today? Re-organizing is a great loop to stay distracted forever(that's what my office does all the time, re-org leaders as if you are shuffling a deck of cards)
  17. Switch on party mode in your brain by exposing it to loud music. It can't "think" now. Stay away from Paranoid Android.
  18. Try to find a safe haven in religion and faith. Oh wait, but they also say that  you are "nimitta matram"(just an instrument in the grand scheme of things)
  19. Be Rancho and tell(bluff) yourself that "All is Well", whenever your brain starts throwing tantrums.
  20. Be a dog. Or a cat.

All is well, folks.


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