Tripppin Through Time

Tripppin Through Time

It's been 1 year and 3 months since I have been working from home and I have only stepped out very few times with the never ending corona waves. For all I know, it could have been 1 day and 3 hours or 100 years and 30 days. Time has been an illusion, a Chinese water torture, a big looper. This is the closest I will ever come to understand time travel, wormholes, parallel universes, amnesia, Christopher Nolan movies and philosophy. The worst part is this blurred time period has blurred away the past years too. For any memory that surfaces, my brain can't trace back it's origin - When did this happen? Yesterday? Two years ago? 

Added to this confusion, I seem to have disassociated my current self from my past self who has lived those memories. I can't sync my mental state with my past self's, she is almost a stranger to me, whom I can see in sepia mode visuals with eerie background score. It always seems like there are multiple parallel versions of me right now, instead of one past version. And there are even more number of parallel versions of my future self, all triggered by my anxiety. The thing is none of these parallel versions seem friendly to me, they are all antagonistic, intentional or not. They are all different instances of my blueprint and none of them is same as me. (It's like the clones from the movie "Moon"). Anxieties of yesterday's self are not my problems, may be they are the problems of tomorrow's self. I can't just preserve the same state of mind against the ticking time.

Apparently time seems to fly by, when we are engrossed in an activity. However, retrospectively, when we have made lot of memories or encountered any novelty, that time period seems long. This is all in our head. Time also seems to go fast as we age, as summed up in this Veritasium video:

There seems to be no end to this limbo state. Everything is uncertain. Life seems to be on a pause, just holding our breath till things are back to "normal". At this point, I don't even know what's normal. I am revolted by the idea of going back to office. But this pandemic is so never ending that even cave people are craving for the outside. 

Even in this state of limbo, changes are happening, some at high pace. We can't see them, as they are happening, but when we look back, so much has changed. And when we do realize all the changes happening around us, at some midnight hour, the panic kicks in.

It seems as if we don't have any control on the limbo or on the changes. It's as if we are stuck at the center of the limbo which has an undercurrent of swooping changes going on.

But this seemingly infinite time leak has an end..someday in the future, may be after the 567th wave of corona. The point is, there will never be any other time like this again(unless there's another new virus). It's just the over-dosage of this time, which has become frustrating. 

This too shall pass and so much of our life with it. We can't hold our breath, we can't pause. Because it's not just time, it's our life.

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