When Mid-life Crisis Hits You Way Before Mid-life

"Midway upon the journey of our life, I found myself within a forest dark, for the straightforward pathway had been lost.”― Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy

Mid life crisis in 30s

I didn't have any quarter life crisis - I didn't worry if I am going on the right career path after college. I am nowhere near mid-life, but I can feel the mid-life crisis. This is how I mostly feel, may be you can relate to a few(or all!).

• You had many wake up calls, you wonder if you still have anymore left or if it's too late already.
• You realize that you have been delusional or ignorant, living in a bubble - frog in a small well.
• You see fixed constants in life - same old work you hate, same old toxic friendships which you can't get out of, same old environment around you - everything keeping your bubble well preserved and safe from the world.
• You realize that you forgot to catch up with the world and it has moved light years ahead of you.
• When you feel that your career is a lost cause or you don't have a career at all, or for that matter, you don't have a life at all.
• All of a sudden, you hold your favorite activities in contempt - they are all trivial and no adult focuses on stupid stuff like that.
• You overwhelm yourself thinking about all the things you are supposed to do by now, which you don't even want to do.
• There's a new thing to worry about everyday - career, money, kids, just being healthy and getting your body to run like it did in your 20s.
• You dread logging into facebook - let the kid pics roll. You are surprised when you see your friends having not just one but two kids - who are all grown up already!
• You stare at the ceiling most mornings instead of getting out of the bed.
• You feel lost more often.
• You feel that you have lost your own self - values, integrity and innocence.
• You focus on easy things so that your brain doesn't agonize itself over the actual problems. Getting that new haircut, upgrading your wardrobe, watching that feel good movie, cleaning your room yet again...all things that make you feel that something is happening in your life.
• You look at your old photos and wonder how that person has become you.
• Your eyes well up and there's a lump in the throat in the midnight or in the shower out of blue.
• Your addictions still control you and it feels as if for every forward step you take, you are taking two steps back.
• You pace around the house when the anxiety kicks in to channelize that paranoid energy.
• You wonder how is everyone else able to rock at adulthood consistently.
• You wait for something to provide meaning to your life - but there's no meaning.
• You look at the younger people living the life and regret all the time that's wasted in your life.
• You look at the younger people not living the life and get that nagging feeling of letting them know that they are gonna regret it - Fly, you fool.
• You realize that your dreams had been pipe dreams, after all.
• You can't rant to your best friend, because she is pregnant or is in a post partum phase.
• You realize that you don't really have many friends to meet up, even if you want to be social.
• You don't know anymore what can provide you happiness or if it's even possible for you to find happiness.
• You stay away from journaling, to avoid looking the one liner or blank pages.
• You scribble crazily in the middle of a night so many pages, when you just can't take it anymore and need a break from your own thoughts.
• Insomnia is just part of your life.
• You are just drifting away in life, with no idea about future.
• You take extra care to dress up nicely and then the next day, you dress up like a homeless person.
• You feel that you have no sense of control on your life, despite the fact that no one's really controlling you.
• You can't help but compare yourself with everyone else around you, often feeling bad at where you stand.
• You tend to think that the best days of your life are gone and what lies ahead is hopeless. 
• You can't really talk to anyone about this, as everyone seem to be at another level of life dealing with actual practical problems of the real world.
• You write a depressing post on a Friday morning.

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