How to Earn Money Easily - Proven Ways! (sarcasm)

You don't need to learn any hacking or cook Meth or break in to a rich family's house to get rich. Here are few successful proven ways to earn money without investing too much money or effort or time.

Easy Money

India as per foreigners:

Are you a non-Indian? If you are white, then it's even more better.Tap into the huge population who want some validation by other countries.

• Just make a video or write a book on how much you love India and it's rich culture. Mention few customs or festivals or places of India and you are done.

• Learning few things about India is too much effort? Then there's even more easier way. Just sit and watch some Indian movies. That's it. Reaction videos by foreigners are always trending in Youtube India. Just type "Foreigners reaction to Indian" and you will get a zillion results.

In business?

• If you sell something-any product, mark them all as 199/299/399 etc instead of 200/300/400. When customer tries to pay through card, tell them only cash payment. Most of them won't have change, so -->profit. Think number of items in each order and number of orders per day- quick math-->avg of 10 customers lose their 1 rupees per item-10/day-300/month-3600/year-36K-10 years.
• If you own a high end departmental store - then stick a fancy sticker on a banana and sell them for high price. *cough*Nature's Basket *cough*
• Start a business of naming a star after people. I actually saw this in a movie. NASA/ISRO - no one authorizes this. So it's not official. You know I have renamed the sun to this blog's name yesterday.
• When customer orders food, ask them casually if they want red sauce/white sauce with it-but don't tell them that it's charged separately(yes/yes questions).
• Tourism place supervised by Government? Sell tickets at whatever fare you want(e.g: Dubare elephant camp, Coorg) though the board says something else. Tourists are in a hurry and they generally don't want to argue for 10 rs when they are in a holiday mood. Free ticket and no one to guard? Fake as a guard and collect fee.
• Parking spot? Just quote whatever exorbitant rate and give no receipt.
• Bribe all the way. Sell paintings to convert the black money to white.
• Play on people's sentiments and emotions -ask them to vote for their favorite singer/dancer/reality show person-at the expense of 2-5 rs charge per SMS. People are very emotional about their favorite actors to the point that they are ready to sacrifice their lives.
• Ban outside water and food and then sell water bottles/food in for high prices. Even better if this places is in a tourism spot/multiplexes.
• Design your products with intentional bad design - printers are cheap, but cartridges are expensive, hollow bottom of Zandu balm bottle, Iphone with its own kind of earphones jack etc.
• Sell juice by mixing hell lot of water.
• Make some white pills and give them as Homeopathy medicine. Nipah Virus? Time for making some money.
• Spread virus(bio/computer) and sell the anti/cure for it.
• Doctor? Write all sorts of tests before even you examine the patient.
• Diagnostic? For cheaper test prices, provide some random test results..who cares? It's not like customer would go and get themselves checked in another diagnostic/hospital immediately.
• Have lot of money and thinking of investing in stocks? Better idea is to invest in a school/college-there are thousands of stupid engineering colleges in India.
• Know a shop which accepts Paytm and has a QR code? Discretely paste your own QR code.
• Make any fairness creams to target people's insecurities- just mix some leaves and flowers.
• Try well known things like pyramid/ponzy schemes, calling-from-bank-send-OTP(seriously people, no one asks for OTP, two of my friends fell for this).
• This vs That betting/Tip jars-bring religion into picture and you have chaos...and money. For example : Marvel vs DC comics jar.
• Get some octopus or any animal and tell the world that it predicts who will win, which stock will go up etc.

Scams:

• If you are in a high position/own a big company which makes you rich-then you are free to do any kind of scam - Nirav/Gali etc-Government goes bananas only when small retailers don't pay tax of 250 rs not when a 1300 crore scam happens.
• Anyone remember Freedom251 mobiles? Let me refresh your memory - they were the smart phones promised for just 251 rupees. What happened to them? Here's an awesome sarcastic story about it by YouStory: Make Money Satire. Because Make in India.

Play on people's sentiments:

We all have our own insecurities, dreams and greed. What if someone promises to cater to those needs(but not really lol)?

A story (Like Kahaani) targeting people's generosity/morals:

• Tell people a sob story how poor you are with a to-be-married-away sister,bed ridden father, terminally ill mother. Convince them with your "genuine" credentials-this actually happened on Quora where a guy faked IIT/MIT background and asked for "help" financially.
• Be the Nigerian prince. Tell them how you would love to transfer millions or even billions to them for free of cost if they provide  you a seed fund to initiate the transfer.
• Borrow from people-say that you are in dire need, get interest on the amount in your bank. Then finally return the original amount after five years.
• Bribe your neighborhood kid to act like a physically/mentally challenged kid or like a kid with too many responsibilities like parents surgery and ask the kid to approach people for financial help. Don't forget to send a "genuine" letter along with him which quotes all the problems.
• Tell people that you forgot your wallet and you need money for transport to attend interview or go home which is like far away. Look good enough and sound like a regular person.
• Approach people if they would like to donate to Festivals/NGOs. If they refuse, look at them as if they are too cruel,  immoral and will go to hell.

Life Coach/How Tos/ Jobs: We all want to achieve something and become successful.

• Tell people how you can make them successful by being their life coach. Talk about all sorts of vague productivity shit.
• Fake without even making it-talk how your business can fetch them millions, but your own wealth will come from people signing up to these. Use a clickbait title like "How to become a top seller in Amazon and earn millions" and promise them that you are giving away all your hard earned secrets and sources because you are a good person who wants a competition - so you are gonna train people to become your competitors.
• Do workshops/courses/sessions just with beginner knowledge. You can get material online and you just need to read off from PPTs. Tell people that you are giving away a course worth 100$ for free in exchange for feedback and a good review initially - so that your course makes to the best courses list.
• Jobs: Of course, how can you be successful without a 9 to 5 job?Arrange job fair. Ask them to pay 10/15K for training and guaranteed job. Close the company later and gamble all that money in Vegas.
• Send letters to people asking them to send 10 rs to know the secret to become rich. Send to 10-20K people living in your own locality so that postage fee is less. Even if 5K people do that, you get 50K rupees. People don't mind losing Rs.10/- for a probable secret to riches.

Religion/ blind beliefs/ Superstitions:

• Be yet another Baba/Swamy/Fakir/Evangelist. Learn some chants and fake your way into being an icon and then a politician.
• Tell people you are an astrologer - Talk about dosham(bad stuff in horoscope)/dishti(nazar/bad vibes) and sell an expensive pooja and stones/amulets or marry them off to a tree/goat.
• Watch some horror movies and fake that stuff to spook people. Perform exorcism so that the ghost leaves them alone.
• Tell people that their enemies are performing Black Magic and they need to perform counter black magic to protect their lives and defeat their enemies.
• Sell offerings to God for high price outside temple-desperate people with problems in their lives will buy it for any high price.
• Spread a rumor on how if a person drops a coin at a particular shrine/fountain marries his dream person or gets their wish fulfilled. I have seen this in several tourist monuments as well. I think Paris(?) sells locks with a similar story.

Marriage:

• Marry a girl with dosham and take millions of dowry.
• Or any girl with millions of dowry if you have a IIT/IIM stamp because your market value just increased ten fold.

Drama: because people are tired of their boring lives and need some entertainment.

Controversies are the way to be famous instantly.

• Make a viral controversial video/tweet. Take advantage of people's hatred towards something/someone.Support a controversial person. Use some abusive language. Over react to anything and everything.
• Reality shows. More precisely, Fake reality shows.

Belief in Destiny/Fate and Luck: because the Universe conspires to make your wishes come true(lolz, sure).

• Build some casinos, you may need license I guess and may even need to borrow money. Hey, but it's all worth in the end. That's how you earn millions without letting any customer win at any point of time.
• Arrange lottery on a high scale - advertise it well. Sell tickets for 10 rs to entire state at least for a prize money of 1L. Even if 1L people buy, you will have a profit of 9L.
• Buy a stall in exhibition/fair and arrange the lucky ring/lucky ball etc. Make sure you tamper through the complete setup so that customer never wins. Ticket of about 40 rupees and a prize of 5 rupees!
• Can't even buy a stall? Just stand in exhibition or mall and ask people to fill a coupon for lucky draw.

[Read this if you want to know exactly what happens when you fill a coupon. You have 100% probability of winning. How? Because people are not naive to fill these. You will be just one of those few gullible people who have filled it out. So obviously you get a call saying how you have won the draw and how you will get 2 silver coins, dinner set and a one week holiday package. Your mind's blown and you don't follow up with any questions if there are any Terms and Conditions. 

You just go to their office - which is a posh office with lot of staff busily running here and there. Now they will tell you that you will get the gifts just after a small session about holiday package. This small session goes on for an hour where three or more people talk about the same stuff - how you can go on a 7 day holiday for 30 years just for an instant down payment of about 3 Lakhs. They will even give you a land of 1300+ sft in a resort(which is in a distant galaxy). They are shocked when you say you cant take this offer and just want to leave after taking the gifts- they can't believe you are saying no to the most amazing offer in this world. 

Here comes the best part - they tell you that they understand that you can't make instant decision on such amount - which is why they have the second best offer in this world - 15K instant down payment for one holiday package. They are once again shocked when you say no to this too. Finally they give up and ask you if you would want to refer any relative/friends for which you say no. They pester, but at this point you are pissed enough, so your angry face scares them. 

Finally comes the gifts - 2 freakishly small thin silver(doubtful) coins that may cost less than 100 rupees, two stupid looking bowls(remember they said dinner set) and a 30K voucher which can redeemed with 8K instant down payment. 

This is a true story. I ended up going there because.. I had to. The lady who was explaining us this stuff casually told us how her husband owns a software company(ok,believable) and how her son who is just 21 works in Amazon and directly reports to - wait for it- Jeff Bezos. I remember reading the title in papers that Jeff Bezos had only 10 direct reports of whom none were colored. I wanted to tell her this, but I was just too tired from hearing about all the amazing benefits they will provide me. Here is one example of the best content from their website:

The website content of a company that's supposedly founded in 2013

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Some weird ways(not really illegal or immoral):

• Selling pet rocks(literally a rock with googly eyes), messages carved on potato, fresh canned air(famous in China).
• Famous because of viral video/meme? It's time to act in ads and sing songs like Cash me outside girl.
• Not really weird, in fact this one is beneficial for environment - Coconut bowls.
• Famous? Charge for your autographs.

Phew, that's way too many. You can also try the stuff from con movies like "Catch me if you can".

Any other ideas?  Add your comment!

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