50 Ways To Kill People - Monday Musings

I know, it's not Monday. I am preparing you for the Monday.

How to kill funny
Mama, just killed a man

Disclaimer: Viewer discretion advised. Do not perform these acts at home.

  1. Kill them with kindness - Throw ice-cream through their glass window shattering glass all the way- teach kindness through violence.
  2. Hit them with a rose bouquet - the one with all the thorns intact.
  3. Give them the "You are dead to me" look - the stare that burns through flesh and bones and soul.
  4. If the other person has a crush on you, call them bro/sis(abort mission if they are a Lannister).
  5. Plant Annabelle in their room. *horror music plays*
  6. Gift them Samsung Note(that explosive one).
  7. Give their number to Samara(the long haired Ring girl) and wait for a week.
  8. Kill them in your head.
  9. Carry a black cat and cross them. Black cats are ninja hitmen..hitkittens...hitcutiekittens.
  10. Convert "all the ways you can die" by your mom to all the ways you can kill a person.
  11. Sing the song of your people till their ears bleed.
  12. Cook them the worst meal ever that will give them terminal diarrhea. Or cook them.(haha....don't, Hannibal).
  13. Gift a vacation in North Korea.
  14. Make the lizard fall on their head.
  15. Throw a banana peel on their way.
  16. Try all the ways in "50 ways to say goodbye" - leave them to dry in a desert, let them dance to death, etc.
  17. Lock them up in a burial ground and let the ghosts take care of the rest(and lets hope they don't end up doing the "Thriller").
  18. Give them Coke with Mentos.
  19. Make them book a Thatkal ticket.
  20. Implement Final Destination death schemes and make it look accidental death design.
  21. Roll them off the bed - the monsters underneath will devour them.
  22. Send them off to a far away planet(unless they are Matt Damon).
  23. Bore them to death(That's what I'm trying to do..so long y'all).
  24. Kill them with spoon.  Watch the most horrible gruesome torture ever -The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon by Richard Gale
  25. Kill them with tire. Think like a psycho murderer tire. Be the psycho murdered tire.Watch Rubber(movie for real).
  26. Dye them. Ha ha.
  27. Die(German "The") them. No "Ha ha" - Germans don't laugh.
  28. Become a housefly, set yourself on fire(-_-) and jump into a loaded cannon that will fire and kill the enemy. (Eega movie).
  29. Learn the Wuxi finger hold(Kung Fu Panda) or Marma Kala(Bharatheeyudu).
  30. Become an insurance agent, say "Nomoshkar..ek minute" and do the deed silently (Bob Biswas, Kahaani).
  31. Use the Force and air choke them.
  32. Avada Kedavra.
  33. Get them Bose/Dre earphones and max up the volume till they die like those Martians. Play Despacito for maximum impact. (This is sad Alexa).
  34. Use Acme products (Road Runner show) - DIY Tornado kit, dehydrated boulders etc. and may be you will have more luck than Wile E Coyote.
  35. Distract them on road - chances are they will either fall into a manhole or get run over.
  36. Two people and only one bullet? Fret not, go Rajni style and split the bullet in it's mid journey.
  37. Kill with banana. Here's a quick How-To video by our Sampoo.😍(fan girl here).
  38. Kill like Balayya- with eyes, with finger tip, with smile..you get the idea.
  39. If they are a white walker, use dragon glass or Valyrian steel.
  40. If they are a vampire, then stop killing silly, fall in love already.
  41. If they are a zombie, cast them in Go Goa Gone 2 already!
  42. Go Mountain style while playing Dhandiya discretely - wearing long sherwanis or kurtas. Here's a quick demo video.
  43. Just write ".. and they all died and dead-ed happily ever after". That's how you kill all your book people.
  44. Learn from daily soap villains, but make sure the one you kill isn't someone like the woman who lives forever even after head shot.
  45. Burn their photo. Strike off their name. Shoot them in COD or other video game. Make a doll, name it after them and kill it..Oh wait that's called black magic.
  46. Write their name in Death Note.
  47. Place them strategically on the road near Salman's car.
  48. Create an artificial lightning and make it look accidental (saw it in a movie).
  49. Delete their Aadhaar..They don't exist now.
  50. Make them sit within pentagon or "star Rangoli" and summon Satan.

Good Luck.


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